Monday, December 20, 2010

Man Log 2010: The Rise of The UniQlo Sweater.

Hello again my trustee readers and followers. Welcome back to another edition of “The Man Log,” the home of yours truly, the broda of bros, the Broses of Nazereth himself, Billy Monette.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking, and yes, I am the sexiest man alive. But this article is about the purchase of what has to be my new favorite piece of layering gear- A black Uniqlo sweater.

In the week that I have owned this precious article of black merino wool, I have worn it no less than four times. Each time I don this impressive piece of semi-formal wear, I incorporate a different shirt and tie. At first, I simply added a simple white oxford button down, but the migrated towards more exciting colors, such as but not limited to a plain J-crew number, and a pink hot shirt.

But don’t let me scare away my male readership- this entry is not just about clothing. While it is true that the clothes are important, they do NOT make the man. (I am quite sure I heard a famous saying in contrast to this, but I am the alpha Omegbro.) A man must be refined and well rounded in several other areas of his life.

I have recently begun a campaign to rebuild the liver of a young man known as Smilliam Smanette. This thin man reminds me very much of myself, and therefore I have taken it upon myself to bless him with the gift of life. I stayed in on Saturday night to protect this poor young boy under the enveloping wing of William Monette, the bromanchu.

I am looking forward to New Years Eve. I love New Years Eve. Not only do I love the sweet festivities of the night, ranging from beyond excessive alcohol consumption, naturalized and encouraged promiscuity, as well some good clean (i.e. dirty) fun, but I enjoy the crafting of a good New Years Resolution. There is nothing to me more profoundly life changing (at least for a year) than a solid New Years Resolution.

I henceforth shall proclaim the rules to creating a New Years Resolution that a bro can be proud of:

1.) Make sure your New Years resolution requires something resembling dedication on your part. Saying, “ I will not get herpes this year” is not good enough. Something like, “I will always wear a condom and not forget when drunk” does however meet the qualification.
2.) Make sure your New Years Resolution does not compromise the happiness of a fellow bro. For instance, one cannot promise or resolve to steal a solid bros girlfriend just because she is hot and down with things involving the brown. (I am sorry.) However, there is an exception, if your bros girl friend resembles Megan Fox, knows Megan Fox, or is a distant relative of a Megan Fox look alike, you are not only encouraged, but OBLIGED to make some small attempt if they break up, or he goes on an extended trip for business.
3.) Make sure your New Years Resolution is something that will better yourself. Your resolution cannot be something weak, that will change something trivial, such as your weight or your hair. You have to make deep personal changes. Such as, I will no longer be a puny bitch who avoids the hot blonds at the bar. Or, even better, I will become a bro and stop depending on the roofie cocktail to get a lady into the sack.
4.) A bro’s resolution should better the world in some way. A perfectly acceptable, yet unadvisable (for a younger bro) path is the having of a (male) child. A girl does not add to the population of the bro, it merely provides greater targets for bros. This could lead a bro to break a bro law, such as, never fight another bro over a girl. EDIT- According to Man Law Seven – 77898 Amendment J, it is appropriate for a bro to fight another bro if the offending bro has slept with or attempted to have coital relations with the offended bro’s daughter, but NOT the wife.
5.) A resolution should, if at all possible, avoid the removal or change of one’s hairstyle. The man must maintain his mane, any alterations to it should follow the bro’s previous path of hair care, and not deviate in any way that is too shocking or world altering.
6.) A man may not, under any circumstances, make a resolution to “become a better dude.” Dudes are evil. We are bros.
7.) A man cannot make a resolution pertaining to another bro. Even if the wish is a good wish, (i.e. become better bros with, listen to more often, etc…) this could lead to a “Bromisunderstanding” where the offended bro questions the sexual orientation of the offending bro. This means a potential break of Man law seven-77898, no bro shall fight another bro.

There you have it my bros! Another fine list of does and don’t for the bro within us all. I acknowledge that this may not be in keeping with your own policies or practices. To you I say, change. I, as the current Bro of all Bros, am the final say on all decisions. Failure to comply, will result in the expulsion of ones man card for a term not to exceed three thousand eons.

Good bye!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

it's been a while.

Sometimes, you live without living. What's funny, is that a man dies every day. Little by little. Your life is leaving you. Every headache, every blink, another second closer to the day you aren't here anymore. Kind of ironic, that people really care how they spend those days, those countdowns to the end.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Friday, November 5, 2010

Fuckin' in the bushes

So I think, in light of kindness and the way things go, I am going to take my break and come home next summer instead of Spring. This makes more logical sense for several reasons. First, if I come home and everyone is busy with school, what good would my visiting home be? I'd be bored all day, and everyone would be tired when they were finally not busy. Second, I want to plan a trip of some kind with some of my closest friends, this would be easier to accomplish in the summer, for the aforementioned reason, and the fact that summer is really a much better time to travel especially to places that are warm. My idea? I am glad you asked my lovely audience; my idea is Vegas... Viva Las Vegas.

I want to get a nice group of people, somewhere between five and ten, who are down to hit sin city with me. I think 3-5 days would be more than affordable, and most certainly fun. If you are interested let me know :)

I also think I have found the most insane ab work out ever. It makes P90x Ab Ripper X look weak; and I would know, I was a huge supporter of P90x until I found this monster of a routine. It hurts to even talk about it!

I have watched the movie snatch no less than four times in the last three days. I fucking love that movie.

I look really good at work today. Not to be an egotistical ass, but the purple shirt, matching tie, cardigan, and skinny jeans are really pulling out all the stops today.

So yeah, basically those are my thoughts. Korea is starting to grow on me, but it makes Michigan more and more appealing. I need to clean my apartment, but I highly doubt I will.

Bon Voyage my amoureux!

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Operation gain weight and look amazing has pretty much hit a wall. I am at the point where I need to actually get a gym membership- but I am too afraid to be ashamed of my meager lifting skills... hmmm.

I should just do it anyway. I have a plan, and I have a goal. Shit shouldn't stop me, nothing should.

It looks like it may be possible for me to go home and visit for six weeks in April. That would mean I would be home for my 23rd birthday, and I would be home for the beginnings of summer, so I could hit the beach a few times before boarding a plane and returning to Seoul.

Hopefully, the goals and things I have in mind can be accomplished before then. I want to return to Michigan as new a man as I possibly can be.

Bon Voyage!

Sunday, October 31, 2010


I started working out. I know it's not exactly a winning game plan, but I am basically only working out my vanity muscles- i.e. my abs. Yeah, basically, I figure if I have a better six pack, nothing else will really matter any way.

I have also been writing again. I am working on something that I have a pretty good vibe about. It's not a novel, I have given up on forcing that issue, but a collection of thematically related short stories. I feel as if I have a good idea brewing and I am just going to go with it.

Friday was Dhut's surprise party and I was very upset that my stay in Korea kept me from seeing it. I hope she had a blast and I hope she knows I miss her.

My parents are, as of now, out of Michigan and on their way to Rockland Maryland to begin their lives in DC. I am happy for them, but also incredibly sad that the little house of cards that was my life in Downriver has officially collapsed. O well.

Well, I need to go and get ready to work. It's achievement test week. Which means I am either going to work really hard at trying to stay busy, or catch up on the reading of Ulysses.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

O Korea...

I have had a most up and down time lately. If someone asked me to sum up my experience in Korea thus far, I could only really shrug and wear a stupid ass confused look on my face.

I looked up plane prices today, and it would take more money than I currently have to come home so I figure I will just stay. Yeah, that's the kind of rational I am using for things these days. I am in total "go with the flow" mode and have no means or desire to get out of it.

My weekend was, for the most part, quite nice. I was something resembling happy on Saturday night, which is odd because I wasn't drunk, and I wasn't really drinking either. Such things actual fill me with confidence that I might not be quite the lush I thought I was.

And I have to admit, that part of me doesn't want to go home because then I will look like a failure. If I left now, it would be like me saying, "yeah, it's a big ass world out there, and I couldn't handle it." I would rather come home and say, "It's a big ass world out there, and I had my way with it."

I promise myself this though. When I come home, this lifestyle I've been living lately is finished. I am going to settle down, get things right. In other words, I am just going to grow up. I am not trying to say I am going to wife someone, hell, I am always trying to do that, I am just saying I am going to do life right. I can't go on living like a 19 year old who just found Oulette street for the first time.

part of me is sad about that. Part of me is excited. Maybe Korea is that ultimate test of whether or not I am as strong as I make myself appear to be. If I can handle this, I can handle anything, and I will endure. I have seen the hardest times, and this doesn't really compare to that. This is, as of now, a big long hangover, and the asprin is just starting to work.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Man Log 2010

Welcome back gentleman! After a long and lengthy hiatus, I am back! Yes sir, the sire of sloth, the grandmaster of gluttony, the Slick Willy of Shenanigans has returned to give you the advice that only he can give!

Now that the hyperbolic self indulgent third person talk is finished, let me get right into today’s topic: living in a foreign country, and the challenges of pursuing life’s ultimate goal there. That goal, of course, is the pursuit of booty.

Let us explain the challenges with Asia. It is true that I have a certain amount of limited skill when it comes to the learning of foreign languages. While in Ottawa, I had already acquired enough French to catch people talking shit about me. In two long months, I have yet to learn a single phrase beyond “can I have a beer please?” I know this may be useful for a bro to know, but again, a bro with a polo doesn’t always achieve his goal. As the acting Broda, I must find a method to get what it is I so dearly covet.

With that said, here is my system thus far-

-Find a bar that caters to foreigners. Bars in these places will typically be filled with less than reputable ladies who are there explicitly looking for your company. These women are either into the idea of foreign men, or are curious. The curious ones will have little knowledge of a foreigners language, while the ones who are into it, will be fluent enough to take you home. Yes, take YOU home.
-Be very polite. This goes without saying. However, in foreign countries, especially ones with a strong patriarchal leaning, a man who is nice and courteous can surprise a woman. On the other hand, they may see it as weakness. Don’t bitch, I never said this was an exact science.
- Buy very little alcohol for them and yourself. Korean women, as well as Korean men, love to drink. However, they don’t like to share company with a blitzed foreigner. With that said, they, like any woman on God’s Earth, are fully capable of the ‘heist.’ What is the heist? The heist is what all girls who go to the bar do, mooch for free drinks. Sorry to generalize ladies, but you definitely do this shit.
-Try to act reserved. Confidence is always the number one tool to use in the pursuit of a woman. Over confidence is the number one downfall. In Korea, this is even more pronounced. Woman here dig the shyer, more harmless looking man. A man who reminds them of a movie star may garner a lot of attention, but ultimately, the normal looking man will have an advantage. He looks safer, he probably is safer, and he is probably more likely to break rule number 3.
-If, by some reason, you do take a woman home, do NOT make the first move immediately. Now is the time to relax and have a couple of drinks. Always keep something good on hand. In Korea, Soju is always a reliable choice for the girl. I prefer a stock pile of Jack Daniels and Coke a Cola. This drink can be consumed casually, without running the risk of douche bag indulgence. Sip the drink, laugh at her jokes (whether you understand them or not) and let her pick a movie.
-When she does pick a movie, it will be something with a sexual leaning, or a very conservative leaning. Because of the language barrier, woman will be more direct when they express their interest, yet, at the same time, it will seem like they are playing a game with you. They might be, but the odds are that they are battling shyness and a mixture of language block. If you have cable and it’s after midnight, she will casually drift to the American movie channels. I think we all know what plays on Cinemax after midnight. If she isn’t into you, she’ll probably watch one of the million or so variety shoes about talents and weight loss they have here. If you don’t have cable, the internet is your weapon, but don’t use it against her. Let her use the mouse, trust a brother.
-I realize that the majority of this post is neither funny, nor equality based. I realize I sound misogynistic as all hell. But the truth is, that these rules are applicable to woman as well. For girls, it may be tougher, since the men seem to be less lingual than the woman. This could be for two reasons: one, I have yet to converse with enough dudes, and two, the women are more interested in the idea of a foreigner. However, this is not the case. The men here consider a badge of pride to have an American girl. In this culture, woman are looked down upon for being seen with foreign men. Therefore, it is even harder to make magic happen if you are a man than it is in your country back home.

With all of that said, I wish to elaborate on the happenings of my Broop over the past few months. As many people are aware, Curtis, my right hand man, my wingman, my Bro of all Bros, has once and for all revoked his man card and abandoned the broop. He, to my knowledge, is living in that unspoken girl’s vagina and crying about the new Scene Aesthetic Album. It is also possible he has formed a new broop that he is the leader of. This, to my knowledge, may be the only way a non alpha male, or a beta, can gain alpha status. I wonder… I wonder.

Matt has been so busy with life and work that his bro status, while not revoked, seems to have fallen into the realm of disinterest. While there are few bros who match the prowess of Matt, there are always circumstances that keep a good man down.

To be honest, before I had left, I had essentially formed a new broop. This broop did not have the centralized leadership of the past, yet, it did maintain elements of the previous one; such as lore and history, and our worship of the almighty original Broda, the blue glowy Charlie. My predecessor has approved the majority of my new cohorts, and that is all I need.

The majority of my summer however was spent preparing for the trek to Asia land. While I must admit that the Asian women are not particularly my favorite type, there are perks to the view here. I will leave it at that, as I am sure you can figure out on your own.

Well amigos, I love you all, and until next time, Keep it real, keep it classy, and keep it bro.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Honey, I've never had sex that wasn't awkward.

Well hello friends, lovers, and internet stalkers! Today is Thursday, and like every Thursday in Korea, I am exhausted beyond the measure of mortal thought. My eyelids weigh at least 60 pounds and my back feels like it has been broken in 18 places.

On the real though, the internet in Korea is so fucking fast that I have been on a downloading terror as of late. I didn’t bring any of my favorite movies with me, but that’s okay because I’ve replaced them all in a matter of hours. The Shawshank Redemption? Check. Schindler’s List? Check. The Thomas Crown Affair is also in my possession. As is Scorcese’s Masterpiece of masterpieces, The Goodfellas’, which I will probably watch this evening instead of going out to the bar or something- unless everyone’s going.

But the real gem beyond all three Jackass Movies (1, 2, and 2.5, I am not lucky enough to have 3D yet) and the entire Jackass TV show, has been my decision to take a chance and download all of the current episodes of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire. This show is fucking phenomenal! I have never been huge on TV shows before, but this one is literally breathtaking. Literally.

I know it’s a long way off, but I really am excited to go to Marlana and Des’ wedding next year. Basically, because I am going to look good enough to eat and I hope that many, if not all of the lovely (single) ladies will be inclined to agree that I am quite appetizing. Oh, and two of my favorite people on Earth are going to get married- that too.

I wish I could work up the motivation to either write more or work out. Not to make it like that, but writing equals money which equals shallow person hotness. Working out is equal to shallow person hotness. Either way I win, except I might be able to net a more amazing ride with the book… maybe, or I could die of alcoholism like all the good writers do.

My bathroom is one of the grossest things known to man. It’s a disease nest. Seriously, I have been scrubbing the pubes that clog my drain for the entirety of my stay here so far. I am about to throw in the towel and hire a cleaning lady.

I met a girl whose mouth looked like her Valtrex prescription ran out and she forgot her doctor’s number. And before you ask, NO, I didn’t do anything with her.

I want to go to grad school. I should probably take my GRE to overcompensate for my awful GPA. I apologize for all the acronyms in this part of the log. I feel this way because I like teaching, but the kids this young, especially these freakishly silent middle school kids, remind me that I want to lecture for a living at a University. I am going to need a Ph.D eventually, and hopefully I can figure out a way to do this.

I think I might start doing the man log again. It was funny, and of the things I write, it is the only thing that could potentially be marketable. Besides, it’s fun to actually write them, and these things I write could potentially be made into a total dude novel destined to be transformed into a less than stellar but still savagely profitable movie.

I am so tired today that I feel as if I must remind my audience (if I have one) of this fact.

Some days, I want to stay here in Korea for like, a long time. Other days, I want to bounce harder than a set of old man boobs. This is whole experience is exactly like that so far. When asked, “What’s it like?” I have only one answer: literally, “meh.”

MAN LOG ENTRY 1- 2010 will hopefully be out sometime soon, like, tomorrow or something. That would be swell wouldn’t it?

I kind of hope a decent group of people are trying to get into some shenanigans tonight. I know I need to sleep, I mean, I have gone to bed at like 7am for the past two nights. I always do this- I am tired all day then when it’s time to go home, I wake right the fuck up.

I am debating, grill cheese or take out Korean? I kind of want some Korean, but I have a feeling I will like, shit my ass off if I indulge in any more of it. Their food here is basically pure protein… maybe that’s why I am gaining weight but not looking any different.

I really have been struggling with God and identity issues lately. I was basically atheist back in the states, but sometimes I find myself talking to God when I am alone.

In terms of identity, my sense of home is completely shattered. I live in a place where I don’t entirely belong, and even if I fell in love with this place, or, more unlikely, with someone in this place, I still wouldn’t belong. The inherent xenophobia of the average Korean will always prevent anyone NOT Korean from being completely accepted.

Yet, there is nothing back home that really made me love the role of American. What does it mean to be American anymore?

I know not what to say, the world is too big to be caught in my arms.

As Milton so eloquently put it, “Long is the way and hard that, out of hell leads up to light.”

Damn. Just when the day began to wind to its conclusion, and I neared the bottom of this fine manuscript you are currently enjoying, I became more awake. I wanted to go home and crash into a pile of pillows and blankets, but now I want to go out in pursuit of all the glory of youthful ignorance and stupidity. The milk of the world, for me, is totally booze. I wish Korean beer tasted good, I would be much more inclined to stay here.

I want to go shopping. There are several things, such as a toaster oven and a microwave that I would really like to buy. They aren’t that expensive, but I keep feeling as if to make these purchases would be irresponsible. Yet, the same person with this thought spends sixty dollars at the bar.

I got my first utility bill. It was less than a hundred bucks. Hell Yeah, Booyeah Achieved.

And that is that, my amoureux. Bon Voyage!

Monday, October 18, 2010

New Poem rough draft

I hide in a paper shoe box
filled with the light of our Father,
Amen. So lost and loved

along the broken carcass of a dying
lamb, ripped to shreds by the
foul hatred of consumption.

Leave the fire at the altar,
O little devil! Make your
way to the edifice

of your triumph; tumultuous fall,
as graceful as a shattered bird
with broken wings

descending down the broken dreams
and out through the imagination
of a sad, lonely poet.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Seems like I'm never coming home...

Yeah, total Augustana moment...

I was asked yesterday by a fellow foriegner if I was dressing up for Halloween this year, and that got my thinking:

How could I dare cheat on my home friends with these new friends with something as sacred as Halloween? For those of you who do know me, you are well aware of my love of this fall time. Not only am I an expert of the goofy outfit, there are few things on Earth I enjoy as much as girls with an excuse to be slutty. It's not just in look either, oh no! The opportunity to wear revealing outfits, uniforms, and be a walking innuendo, also brings out this behavior in these women. It's a thing worth smiling over.

You never really learn how much you love spell check until it's gone.

I think I could really go for a two dollar pint night. I miss being able to afford Guinness for less than 10 dollars. No lie dude, it costs ten dollars.

I need a haircut, but I am too terrified to actually go get one. I need to be better with my money also.

I am probably going to participate in a Euchere tournement tonight. This is exciting. It reminds me of why home is home... except that I am not at home. Don't remind me again please.

I'd really like some sonic too. I love Cherry Lime-Aids.

I wish I could write for a sustained period of time. If I spend an entire year here and get nothing done, I will not be happy.

Will I ever really be happy anyway???

Who knows... God, buddha? The dude who wears grateful dead T-shirts?

Someone's gotta know.

I wouldn't mind it if Korea would build a Dennys. I like that bars are open till, well, forever here, but I am also depressed that I can't get Denny's at three am with my buddies. It would be even sweeter if they installed a Ram's Horn. So many awesome memories at the horn.

I really hate my apartment. If it suddenly burst into flame, and the fire sparred my laptop, that would be a blessing... as long as my clothes were okay too.

I wish I could go swimming... even though it's pretty much winter already.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Et ignotas animum dimittit in artes

And he sets his mind to unknown arts...

Don't I wish.

Any way, Happidus is officially my favorite bar in Korea. It's small, not club like at all, and it reminds me of Sidetracks back in Hipsilanti.

I like Jack and Cokes. They make up for the fact that beer here is vile.

Have I mentioned before that Korean women have really nice bodies?

I want to write again. It's too bad I can't.

It sucks that I have to come to work early to use the internet. Hopefully I can set something up on Friday.

I don't have much to write about right now, so I bid adieu...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

and so we pray...

Last night, I actually felt like praying. I didn't, because I don't really remember how to.

I guess I can pray here, so that if I didn't do it right, people can help me figure it out.

Dear God,

I know sometimes I say some fucked up shit, that I don't always believe in you, that most of the time I think you were invented. I don't know what you are, but I know that sometimes I feel like, whatever it is that you are a symbol of, is real and comforting.

I wish I could know what it is that is in store for me, because what I have right now isn't working. My situation dictates that I am unable to grow up. I am able to drink and harm myself with reckless abandon, and I need to stop. I need something that will allow me to become a man.

I have been waiting, I have tried to take it slow, I have tried to do it faster, I have tried everything that has been put before me. I still feel as if I am floating on maybe, that I have no real substance by which my life can actually be defined.

If you are real God, and when I say that, I assume and feel as if you really are, you will see that I really am trying to be worth of your love, hell, of anyone's love. I feel like I haven't earned either.

The world, it can be beautiful sometimes, but at others, it is an ugly, vile, repulsive beast that I wish to free myself from. I see this, in the mirror and in the streets, in people as they smile, frown, stare, look away. It's all there, the good and the bad. Halfway between happiness and the other.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

On Writing...

Or not. My idea is solid... just how to begin...

at the beginning of course.

Either way, I must mention that my George Foreman grill has, for the most part, intensified my love of Korea. I have been eating the hell out of some grill cheese sandwiches.

As soon as my oven works, I am making some steak, some chicken, and some mashed potatoes. I will not stop clinging to my mother's cooking, so don't even try to make me.

That's American right there.

One of my students said that Hitler was interesting to her. She was 12. Amazingly awful.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

I'd like to start working out. One of the guys at work who is super friendly said I could start going to the gym with him, he even promised not to make fun of me when I could only bench like, 45 pounds.

So yeah bithces, when I do come home, I will be hot. Booyeah Acheived.

I accidently came to work like, 5 hours early. I thought there was a 3 o' clock meeting today, but I was wrong. I have a meeting at five though, so my wait wont be too awful.

I really hate my cell phone. After a bit, I might just take a trip down to a store and get an iPhone. Everyone in Korea seems to have one except me.

It wont replace my Blackberry, that lover of loves, but it will do in a pinch.

I paid my rent for the first time last night. I think America should take a cue from how the Koreans do it. I have never done anything so simple in my life. If it didn't cost 650,000 won, I'd rather pay my bills than drink a beer. It's actually easier than drinking a beer- especially this awful Korean shit.

On the real though, I am not much a fan of the Asian women, but all of them have AMAZING legs. Not legs for days America Guzman style, but definitely something to behold.

Yeah, that was my shout out to Phi Mu for the day. I seem to have one daily lately.

Wow that rhymed.

I will end with a song that I've been jamming a lot lately.

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue

Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hey, is that a ninja up there?

So last night, the undermaned two person trivia team of Holly and myself opened up a can of whoop ass and dominance and poured it all over every other team. Victory baby, victory. Our prize? 14 bucks each and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Sweet sweet liquor, eases the pain.

I woke up this morning and put the red dress shoes on for the first time in two weeks. They felt like home to me, my foot slid in effortlessly and nestled in like a young man cuddling up to Megan Fox. It just felt right.

My hair didn't really turn out well today. No matter, it's fluffy and fun to play with.

My lip is healing alarmingly well.

My ankle is completely 100 percent- or maybe 96 percent. Either way, it wasn't broke.

I wonder if I will be able to find cups for my inflatable Beer Pong table, it would suck if I had have that shipped over.

I once again find that I sleep better AFTER my alarm goes off. Why is my life full of paradox and irony?

I wish I didn't have to shave- ever. I hate facial hair, I would only like it if when i did grow it, it didn't look awful. George Clooney, I am not you.

The Michigan Fight song is poetry in motion.

I am nervous about the State game this weekend though, I will be honest.

Stealing internet in my apartment has officially come to an end; the network that was so-so has completely gone away. I need to purchase some really soon.

I am going to try and pay my rent this evening, should be interesting.

There are a lot of Canadians here, it kind of reminds me of Windsor- except there are fewer Americans.

I miss my Blackberry... Probably more than the people I store inside of it... My bnrickbreaker talents will be greatly affected by my time away from it.

I wish I could put my thoughts down on paper still- I have blanked out hardcore lately.

Adieu my amouruex!

boo yeah acheived.

Hell yes! My inflatable Beer Pong table, and my foreman grill, are now in my posession. It looks like my liver just checked out.

Last night in the Hweshik superlatives, I was the winner of the awards for "tallest Hair" and also of the dubious honor of "Most Likely To Go To The Hospital." My reputation is basically going to follow me around all over the globe it seems.

Jackass 3d comes out next friday. Please Jesus let it play here...

I am going to get internet this weekend at my house so I can watch my Wolverines (hopefully) put a whoopin on sparty.

I got my airfare money today. I think I am going to go and pay my rent with it today- or Friday.

I am kind of in a "writing" and reading mood today. I will probably do neither.

I feel as if my life is spent hungover, or recovering from one.

I think Kate Beckinsale is still hot.

I do in fact, love Lucy.

Ryan Rynolds is on the cover of GQ. I like him, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Last night, I did something dumber than my Basketball hoop jump. I purposefully got my lips and tongue stuck to a cold metal surface.

Don't ask me to explain why, because I have no idea. Alcohol was involved, but there wasn't any really in my stomach.

Today it looks like my lips have herpes and they are gashed pretty good. Strangely however, it doesn't really hurt, and my speech is not effected either. IT just looks pretty haggard.

Life without a camera sucks.

I have gone back to wearing ties... for now.

I missed Dhut's bday... I keep reminding myself how awful this is.

I want to go to Mardi Gras.

I hate being at work early, it makes me feel lame. I shouldn't have to explain why this is so.

I am pretty sure I only have like, three friends at work. I am pretty sure everyone else thinks I am retarded. (With good reason apparently.)

I hate Adverbs, but I still over use them... help.

I need to find time to do laundry. I have had none thus far this week. I would also like to write some, I feel like the idea I am brewing could finally be the one, since it's basically a rewrite and combination of everything I've ever really written before lol.

I wonder how Randy's doing... I miss him terribly, and I never thought I'd really say that. if you read this, I love you little brother.

I wonder how my Melody is doing as well. I talk to Nelson and Ashley like, once a week sometimes, but I have barely heard from her. I hope life's treating her swell.

I hope all of my friends that are still in School are kicking ass in their classes this semester. I sort of wish I was still in College.

I could really go for some Tubby's Grilled Submarines right now.

I wonder how Charlie and Cindy are doing... living with them for a few months made me really close to them and now I wish I could see them.

I wonder if jobs are going to actually be available in October with the Government fiscal year begins. If this could happed, I would be extremely happy.

I like it here, but I also hate it simultaneously. I don't know why, but I feel like I am translucent, as if I fade in and out of the obscurity of the electric neon signs and the afterglow of intoxicated Asians.

If that makes any sense.

I hope Michigan beats MSU this week. Denard Robinson looks like a shoe in for the Heisman, but it's been two years since we beat that "other" Michigan School. It would also make my Wolverines Bowl eligible for the first time in two years. Saying that surprises me- we've always been bowl eligible.


I bid adieu my amoureux.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Don't cry I'll bring this home to you...

Well another weekend past, and it was a great one. Happy Belated to Johnny Mains, it was a blast good sir.

However, I am saddened by the fact that my presence in Korea caused to miss the birthday celebrations of one of my most fun, and closest friends, Ms. Dhut Sass. I hope you drank so much that it causes me a hangover on the other side of the world.

My parents, in their awesomeness, have purchased me a new George Forman grill that will be cheaper to ship overseas.

I have a new drinking buddy. Kathy, we got smashed dude.

I get a new student in my Terra class like, every week now. It's cool, I suppose.

I am totally rocking a cardigan today- but I do need to do laundry.

I might join a gym, could probably use it, and paying for such an endeavor might force me to actually go.

I have decided that Lilly, the book I have about 100 single spaced pages finished on, is not good enough to stand on its own merits. This may be because the new Idea I previously mentioned has so dominated my thoughts lately that I have actually began to brainstorm for it. Lilly will not be completely deleted, but it will be restructured and edited to become part of the new thing.

The new thing will be a sort of semi-autobiographical telling of why I left America. Therefore, it will be a bit of a social critique much like Lilly was, but different. It will be told in the third person view, which will highlight the nihilism of my own emotions as of late.

I ate Italian food here last night. A mistake.

I didn't do anything at all yesterday, and I think my ankle is better for it.

Hongdae is fun, but it is far to expensive. I feel as if clubbing is no longer my interest. I think I am going to stick to darts and pool at Happidus. This will inevitably save me a ton of money as well.

I have a lot of this week off again- just like last week. This is good because i don't have to work as much but it also sucks because I wont make as much money. We get paid quite a bit here though, by my estimation, so this isn't too awful.

I cannot wait to get my internet worked out. It's only thirty dollars a month and I hear it is a thousand times faster than what we have back home. My illegally downloaded movie and music collection is about to ballon to astronomical size.

I like the word Ossify entirely too much. Same thing with Sanguine.

I really want to become a better French speaker. This coul be enjoyable, and combined with my last name could help me convince people I am actually French.

I want to buy a futon. My bed is nice, but it's never going to get made and I don't have a frame for it.

I wish I could figure out the Korean trash sorting system.

I wish my stove worked- I want to make Spaghetti.

I need a new computer. My Mac is teetering on the verge of death. It loses another function daily. A Macbook pro would be a most amazing Christmas present. Hint Hint.

I think I should have brought more shoes with me.

I really kind of like the fact that I live alone. Roommates are not my thing, I have discovered this.

I'd love it if I could watch the Michigan game this weekend. MSU is always a tough opponent, and they're both undefeated- it could be enjoyable to watch. That, and I am missing Denard Robinson's Heisman in the making season.

I wish I was rich.

Really rich.

I bid adieu for now my amoureux.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Last night I did some trivia, the star studded team of Rob, Dan, Vasuda and myself, did not win. Second place. If you ain't first, you're last Ricky Bobby.

Saw three white girls walking around Baumgye last night. One was a really hot blond. This is about as rare a look in this country as my tall ass is. I noticed. She said hi. If I see her again, I am proposing... not like, a forever thing, but a, hey, while we live here thing.

I have been jamming Bright Eyes a lot lately. This is awesome, yet also sad. I love poetry in music- but it reminds me of that ass clown that WAS my best friend. Memories.

To be honest, I made better memories grinding on hoes with Stillman and Ugo. I miss those dudes for real.

I also miss "five o-clock." If Dhut ever reads this, she will LOL at that.

I typed a little bit last night. Not a lot, maybe 500 words. The book itself is hovering around 31,000 now, which would make it a decent sized novella. I am aiming for 50,000 to 65,000 which would make it around the size of the great gatsby at smallest, and at largest the size of Lolita.

I think the problem with my pace on this book, is that my imagination is churning again, and I am sort of thinking of another one already. I try to distract my mind by reading to improve my craft, but I end up instead jotting down my new idea in a notebook. Hopefully I can finish Lilly in time before this idea just explodes with full force out of my head... I never thought I'd say this, but I want the editing phase to begin soon lol.

On the real though, I want to marry an English Major. I can no longer tolerate people whose speech is flawed beyond belief. I need to marry a grammar nazi, someone who even catches my mistakes. This would annoy me into lust and we'd have some sexy and well spoken babies...

I got water inside my rolex. I am sad.

I wanted to buy a copy of Only Revolutions. They didn't have anymore at What the Book? The best name for a bookstore ever.

I have three hours of work separating me from a three day weekend. Bliss? Perhaps. Recipe for boredom? Definitely.

I drink way too much pop here in this country. For you non-Michigan peeps who roll in here, I am talking about Soda. I have also reaffirmed my belief that Coke is vastly superior to Pepsi.

I met a dude from Wales last night. He was wandering around Korea, it was his first night here. He had literally came from the airport to the bar. Cool ass dude, I showed him some places. I felt sort of Nick Carraway like, " I was no longer a stranger, but now a resident, a guide."

Every time I wake up, I instantly wonder what crazy shit happened back home. If anything. I always wonder, did one of my best friends just do something amazing while I am asleep? In a way, it's a paradox- I am living a grand life here, but somewhere in the world I am missing whole days at a time. I kind of feel like a dead person, in a heaven connected to the past by the internet. I am like, a ghost- people miss me, talk about me like I am long gone... it's weird but I don't know how else to feel...

I bid adieu for now my amoureux...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fake Plastic Trees.

I like that song- I now kind of feel like I might actually understand it's meaning.

I haven't written in a few days but a lot has been happening. I will save the curious reader the boredom of sorting through it all, and just highlight some of the more hilarious or fun occurences. I will also inject my musings in at random times as well...

I pretty much broke my ankle and my ass bone. This is not because of any kind of accident. It is the result of a drunken night wandering through the park, where I discovered a basketball hoop that I could actually climb to the top of. After doing this, I threw myself from the top of the backboard and crunched down HARD... It feels a little better, but damn it sucked.

Korean food is so-so in my opinion. Some of it is awesome, such as Bulgulgi and rice soup shit, but some of it, is really gross...

My classes are enjoyable for the most part. I am lucky and I don't have any misbehaving kids. Apparently they are afraid of me. RARRR.

I went into a sauna room thing. At first, I was weird about being naked in front of a whole bunch of stranger dudes I didn't know. After thirteen seconds, I was walking proud and tall.

The beer here, as previously mentioned, is absolutely foul.

I still don't have my own internet... I am getting aggrivated with this.

I wish I could watch the wolverines games. Once I have internet, I may try this out.

Torrenting has been super slow as of late, but I am managing.

I might go play trivia tonight... maybe. Part of me wants to sleep or write or something... we'll see.

Bon Voyage.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Miranda, that Ghost just isn't holy anymore.

Once again I was unable to go to the damn Converse store. I can see it in my mind like a glow of pain and memory. JUST COME TO ME!

It's actually good that I don't go, now that I think about it. I finally recieved my apartment contract today and my bills are due on the 8th of every month. Chungdahm only pays us on the tenth of every month. Should be interesting.

If ever my powers of spendature were to be tested, it will be through this monumental calamity of timing. O Chuck Taylors- you are so very far away.

But on the other hand, I learned today that my parents are officially moving their asses to DC. Great. So in my absence I will lose the majority of my friends to distance and time. I guess I could always come crash at Randy's house but then again, his place smells like dog piss and the inside of an old pair of New Balances. I could crash at Nelson's, but that too could be an impossibility because he has like a bajillion people living under his roof... Hmm...

Today I woke up earlier than usual. This is funny because on Fridays I don't have to work until seven o' clock at night. Even with this large gap in time between work arrival and awakening, I still could not manage to go to either E-mart (their version of wal-mart) or the Chuck Taylor store.

Ironic part of this? Tonight I think everyone is going to the bar called Slang. Slang just happens to be located in the same complex as the glistening majesty of the Converse store. GOD DAMNIT!

On another wavelength of thought, I think I look pretty good today, except for the fact that I haven't shaved my beard (or the facsimile of a beard I am capable of growing) in a week. It kind of looks okay, but it kind of looks like shit. I guess it depends on my mood. I have plenty of time to shave it off in the morning, but no desire to actually do so.

I am also wearing skinny jeans today- because nothing says bad ass like jeans that are so skinny you can see my thoughts.

I have decided that I no longer care that it is considered "douchey" to wear sunglasses indoors or at night. These sunglasses are fucking sweet, and I am going to rock them at my leisure whenever I get the sudden urge to do so.

I am kind of sad that my parents are moving to DC. But I am also stoked because they let me know via facebook. While it's extremely insensitive of them to do this, it also showcases their increasing savvy with the social networking medium. I am proud of them.

But damnit, there are so many people I have yet to sleep with in the dirty glove- I mean, hangout with. I would love to just spend like, a week or two there and be taken on a pilgrammage through all of my favorite bars and clubs one last time. Ahhh that would be magnificent.

I bid adieu my amoureux.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Okay, so the street I live on here has got to be the noisy street to end all noisy streets. Every sound imaginable, from the echo of an exhaust pipe to the crash of car and moped can be heard daily out my window.

YOu get used to it though- the sight of a delivery boy picking himself off of the ground after getting MACKED by one of the thousands of reckless cab drivers here.

So I guess my parents are officially on their way to DC- permanently. It was good knowing you folks back in Michigan, it doesn't look like I live there anymore either.

I still cannot figure out how to write my address. The sooner I accomplish this feat, the sooner Dad can send me that sweetness that is an inflatable Beer Pong table and the even greater sweetness of my Foreman Grill. Whoot.

I officially hate Korean Beer. It takes far too much of it to get drunk, which means, because your stomach is filled with cheap and possibly carbonated brew you WILL have one of those "I didn't get drunk last night but I still have a hangover" hangovers.

They're like, the worst kind. I teeter on this cliff of will I or wont I yack into the toilet. Top that off with the smelly Korean carry out that some dude just lugged into the break room and you can see why my trusty Powerade chicken noodle soup hangover rememdy is defenseless here.

Today I really don't feel like being in Korea. Today I'd like to go home and continue my quest to do absolutely nothing in the pursuit of a job. Yes, even though Michigan is a black hole of joblessness where dreams go to die, I miss it so very much.

Yesterday, I had a theological debate with Nikki via facebook chat. The irony there not withstanding, it was probably the highlight of my day.

I still have not managed to make it to the Chuck Taylor store. I must make it there before my money runs out- because that's where I want my money to run out.

I didn't type as much yesterday in the novel as I wanted to. I have been maintaining a steady four to 12 hour a night pace on it, and yesterday I just did some editing and typing for like, 20 minutes.

At this pace, I will never get it done.

The only thing I legit like about being here are the students. They are adorable sometimes, especially the goofy kids- I love them so dearly.

Other than that, this is a place filled with people passed out on sidewalks ( pictures forthcoming) and or excessive smoke filled bars. Yeah, that just came out of my mouth. I never thought I'd say it, but the Michigan smoking ban was a good idea. I get lightheaded in these places, that's how much people smoke here. Their lungs have to look like shriveled up lettuce thrown into a vat of ink.

"But this world is full of white teeth- and black lungs."

Muwahaha. In the interest of conformity, I have taken to wearing cardigans, ALL day eerday. Yes, it is like, one bajillion degrees and humid here in Korea, but it's cool. I got stripes in various patterns on, and I know how to use them.

Also, the red dress shoes are my life saver. I love them like women love Justin Beiber- too much. Seriously, they click when I walk, and they are red. What the hell isn't sweet about that?

But they do have something cooler here in Korea -GASP! John, one of the guys I work with had a pair- these loafers that look like Gucci's except they're even more expensive. I saw another dude on the street with PURPLE ONES. I am only guessing, but I might, and this is a big maybe, BE ABLE TO GET RED ONES! Saving up the 200 thousand wan as we speak.

Korea is most likely an Asian scene kids dream. They don't wear anything but skinny jeans, chuck taylors, or air force ones here. Strangely though, they will often combine these looks with the flair of a holister shirt. Yeah, I said it. The AE, A&F, machine is hard at work here... And just when I had thought I'd seen my last popped collar...

I kind of want to go home and see Josh Barnes and Amanda Daniels get married. I know it's coming up soon, which means I sadly wont be able to attend. I also will be forced to miss Rachel and Jerry's wedding too. I will be like, the phantom family member- like I am when I am there too.

I really wish, and this will sound weird, that I was still in college. I liked College. College was fun. College was, as I tell my students, this big place where you go to learn about stuff you already learned about- just differently, and for a lot more money. I did tell them though that it had its benefits, such as but not limited to: Skanks- we all must enjoy a skank from time to time. They are an important, and vital element to the survival of the male species. 2.)Greek Life- Greek life is like, something that when involved with, even partially as I was, you can gain the enjoyment of friends, amouruex, and of course item number 1. This makes me miss Stillman and the boys in green even more... Ahh... 3.)Over priced cafeteria food- not because it tastes good (it doesn't) but it makes excellent aerial projectiles. 4.)Awkwardly shy girls who are just being exposed to a whole new world- think about the benefits of meeting a girl naive enough to believe you are the king of france.

I am just playing ladies I love you- especially those of you with daddy issues- I really, really love you.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Trying to get a mayo free sandwich in Korea is like trying to pull teeth out of an awake Sabertooth lion- you're going to get in trouble.

Either way, I am having days here that are like, half good half bad. I am saving a TON of money of here no doubt because I really don't go out much. I kind of want to tonight- I went out last Wednesday, but I don't know what the haps is this week.

I want to buy a new pair of Chuck Taylor's. I left mine at home, but they were half eaten by the dog anyway. They have an awesome Chucky T store here, and they had a few BAD ASS pairs of Chucks in there. Hopefully I can work up the motivation to stroll my happy ass down there sometime today. I really want some shoes.

As those of you who know me will attest, I make up for any dip in mood with insane purchases of idiotic things- such as, -but not limitied to- the aforementioned shoe binges and sunglass fetishes, to more intelligent purchases such as books or film that stimulate my mind.

Speaking of film- everyone go see Inception if you haven't yet. They are still playing it here in Korea, and I will be watching it for time number 5 on Saturday. It really is the greatest piece of cinema since Jackass 2.

Speaking of Jackass, they probably won't be showing Jackass 3D here in Korea. This breaks my heart. One of my more "enterprising" friends will have to find a great bootleg of this potential masterpiece and send it to me. I need to watch that movie when it comes out. If I don't, I will die of some strange and as of yet undiscovered illness borne of food and air allergies.

I am still addicted to Facebook- even though I don't have internet, I have been getting to work extra early so that I may dive into the bulge of notifications that I have. The little red things make me happy that people still like me- and or remember who I am now that I am gone.

I also miss my Blackberry. I never realized until I got here that it really is an extension of my soul, and of my being.

I miss Bowling most of all. I have no idea how I am going to get my Bowling stuff over here- shipping and handling on such items probably costs more than purchasing the country of Russia- which, in its decay, probably doesn't cost that much.

I officially remain in love with Sonic Youth. Daydream Nation is perhaps the most pure form of musical art- ever, with the exception of Eric Prydz "Call on Me."

I am drinking way too much coke a cola over here. Cola has simply replaced beer, water, and imagination as my drink of choice here. Manly because the beer is only so-so and must be consumed in abusive amounts to amount (punny) to anything.

I still haven't really unpacked my stuff. This is for two reasons. 1.) I am lazy. 2.) I have this terror that I will have to repack it next year, and that this will be a chore not much different than cutting the grass with a pair of plastic lefty scissors.

I bid adieu for now. Bon Voyage!

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Novel

It's almost done! I have finished Part 1 of three- the hard part. Part 2 is now under construction ( and alas, I do mean construction) and part three has been done (first draft anyway) for about two years.

I've changed some or all of it of course- seeing as great books are not written, they are edited- and the title, as of now, is "Lilly."

Yes, those of you who are closest to me will know exactly "who" it is about- but I hope against hope that some of you will be able to find the real message hidden in the book, if, and when, it ever finds the light of day.

But, let us discuss the weekend I had!

I finally got an Umbrella, a much needed necessity here in Anyang.

On Friday, I went to a club place called "Slangs." It was a pretty good time. I watched a creeper Indian dude try to lay his game (i.e. creepily steal the passed out drunk girl from her table full of friends) and I noticed that the majority of white people in the world really are in love with Asian girls. It's amazing I know!

On Saturday, I was taken to Itaewon, the white folk military hangout. I was taken up the humerously named "Hooker Hill" where, you guessed, drunk, horny, lonely army dudes pick up potentially underage Asian Hookers. It's all like that scene from Full Metal Jacket where she says Me-so- you get it. The only difference between the hookers here, and the miles of them in Michigan, is that these ones post up on the corner in Lawn Chairs.

Basically, Itaewon is the Detroit of Korea. Even so, the white people there make me sick and I probably will not go back.

Hongdae, on the other hand- is my jams.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

These times they are a changing

I had one of those days yesterday that was extraordinarily lonely- much more so than usual. I got a lot of writing and reading done, but on the whole, I felt entirely sad and melencholy.

I am beginning to feel more and more like I don't belong here. I want to belong- I really do. I just can't stop thinking about home, that place I longed so hard to leave, yet long even harder to return too.

It's different than when I was in Ottawa, the Paris of the North- It's different because it's longer, more foriegn, different.

I'd give anything to go back home right now.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The mysteries of the Korean Subway.

Okay folks! Week one has drawn to an end, and tomorrow I begin the daunting task of instructing young Korean minds in the ways of the English Language.

I met my Head Instructor yesterday. She is basically the equivalent of "The Boss." Her name is Tracy and she is a very nice lady who was very helpful. However, she did make fun of me for my lack of skill in navigating the subway system- a system most people say is intuitive and simple- a system that I, however, find labyrinthian.

Now, I understand some of this that is forthcoming may sound like gibberish, but this is my class list!

On Monday and Wednesday I teach Memory English- Terra. This is medium level of English proficiency students who have a solid grasp on sentence structure and a moderate vocabulary.

Also On Monday, I will teach Listening- Par. Par and up is a rather advanced form of English language instruction. At the highest levels, Eagle, Albatross, and Albatross plus, student's proficiency in English equals, or in some cases surpass, that of similarly aged American Students.

I also teach Listening- Birdie, which is the same as before with a slight improvement in grammatical ability.

I teach on tuesdays and thursday some of Memory English- Giga. This course is the same as terra, except the ability of the students isn't as high..

My week is rounded out with three total sections of Listening Par, one of birdie, and these Memory English courses. I work Monday through friday for 6 hours on every day except wednesday and friday, giving me a total of 24 hours per week.

Let the fun begin!

I finally pulled my laundry out of the washing machine today and installed it on my handy drying rack. Yes, drying rack. For as advanced as Korea is technologically, they do not use dryers here. Instead, ol' fashioned hang drying is the norm.

Last night, Kyle and I taught his buddies how to play "Baseball." No, not the American sport of hitting balls with a stick, but the American sport of combining beer pong and flip cup together to create dead livers in young 20 somethings.

I was supposed to get Lunch with Nikki today, but I instead woke up late and decided I would spend all day prepping for my classes. This, coupled with my strange hangover, precludes me from doing anything tonight.

I had an hour long convo via skype with Nelson and Ashley today, mainly talking about my beloved Michigan Wolverines and their dominating victory. Since it may be impossible for me to actually watch my boys in blue play this season, Nelson and I have agreed to talk after every game. This means that at 7am Sunday morning ( korean time) I will skype him and he will share with me the happenings of the week, and of course the results of the game. Next week is Notre Dame- a team that I love to watch lose.

Family size pizza in Korea is equal to a normal pizza in America. Either I was ripped off, or America is more morbidly obese than I initially thought.

Coke Zero is nasty. Lemon Lime gatorade, which I have always had an affinity for, tastes nothing like Lemon Lime gatorade here. Powerade in the blue form is good I am told.

I picked out my apartment and it's very nice. However, I may not be able to get my belongings into it until Wednesday, and I am pretty sure that I will have absolutely NO furniture in it. It does have something like two room(ish) things, this will make it cozy and very much mine. I will, in all honesty, miss my hotel. Hotel's in Korea are much better than they are back in the states. Coatel, where I am staying, is listed as a 3 star hotel. In America, this would be just beneath the quality of Paris Hilton's private room at a Hilton... No joke.

People in Seoul have amazing style for the most part. Some very cool fashion trends are followed here, and some are broken in memorable ways that actually create a unique and interesting look. Some of their trends, such as the shiny, metallic bright suits, are not good.

People here in Gangnam, where my hotel is, are incredibly rich. I have counted no less than four Bentleys, and each one of them looks like the man inside it sold his soul to the devil for vast corporate greed.

Other than that, this place is basically your normal everyday city- except that it's about 1.5 times as big as New York and no one here understands a word I am saying.


Friday, September 3, 2010

"It's a Beautiful Day."

Today has been the best day here so far! For all of my stressing, worrying, confusion, and hard work- I passed training!

I feel as if a monumental load has been removed from my very slim and frail shoulders. My confidence is restored, my personality is invigorated, in short- I am ready to rock.

Though I have been in Korea for a week, my adventure had this feeling of being on hold. Now that the worry of training has passed, I am officially a teacher for Chungdahm Institute and can begin to enjoy the wonders of this far away land.

And what an amazing land it is! All the people, places, cheap booze, and even cheaper cigarettes can now be really loved by yours truly. On top of all those things, I get to finally find out if teaching is really the dream job I picture it to be.

So I will try my best to maintain my updates in a timely manner. Now that I am more free, I will be running wild with my camera, and pictures, which are obviously my whore quality, will be flowing soon enough.

Love everyone!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Starless and Bible Black.

I like looking out my window. Something about the sky, starless and bible black, shrouded in the industrial sheath of smog comforts me. Here, where the stars cannot fight their way through, I contemplate the world and all of its workings. Revolution and revolution, minor, yet major. Could it be that such a simple little thing as living is the most magnificently grand scheme of them all?

But I digress. I saw a face looking back at me in the mirror today that I felt proud of- not for aesthetic vanity, but of a new found sense of self improvement. For all of my machismo, bravado, and other manly adjectives, I have never found who I am.

And I still haven't. I am a wandering soul, a question begging to be asked- teetering on the lips of the dumb, searching for passage through the ears of the deaf. But though I am still vacant-still wondering- I look now into my life with something resembling that last, bitter, terrible, most blissfully ignorant of human emotions...


Monday, August 30, 2010

Seoul- South Korea Part 2

Apparently I am unable to sleep more than one hour here in this country. But alas, I have begun to enjoy myself a little more. Though I miss my Dhut's and Ash Bash, my Ginger brother, my Melody, and of course my beautiful mother- I have become accepting of the fact that I would actually like to pass this training... ahhh training- let's talk about that.

I am an English major, and I failed the Grammar test... Good thing there are re-takes. I was embarrassed, but basically everyone pooped all over that test, so it was okay.

Other than that, it wasn't bad. I had to take a blood test, and anyone who knows me knows that I am weird about needles. my Urine sample didn't look too healthy either, but it was okay I suppose.

I am really struggling with the time zone difference. I feel like it's the middle of a nice downriver evening right now- even though it's 8am. That's not too bad, the rough part will be when I am sitting in training and I am nodding off...

But Bon Voyage my lovers, I will post later.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Getting slightly better.

Today was one of the most up and down days I have ever lived. I cried, literally, like a little baby, before insulting my mother via e-mail. After a nap, I cried some more, because I knew I had hurt her. After everything she has done for me, I owe her better than that.

My Phone came in the mail today, and it's actually pretty cool. Because I am not balling outrageous, I could not get a fancy ass Blackberry or anything like that. What I got instead, is a Razr on steroids.

Tomorrow is the first day of training, so I am going to try and sleep. Hopefully transportation isn't as insane tomorrow and I make it on time. I really am still kind of mixed on being here. I don't know what I feel to be honest, but for the time being I am stuck here. I don't like the feeling of being stuck anywhere, but I guess over time I may learn to love it here.

And there really is no sense in going home because I miss mommy- she's leaving to DC for a month anyway.


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Seoul- South Korea.

I have made it to my hotel- finally, after waiting for about an eon for the dude to finally get me from the CAT (City Air Terminal) to the COATEL Hotel.

Let me start off by saying that this hotel is an ENORMOUS complex. Ironically however, only ONE cab driver even knew what it was.

My annoyance so far has only been defeated by the strange and paradoxical state of being where one is both simultaneously tired and wide awake. It is about seven AM in the morning here, but of course my body feels like it's 6 PM like it is back home.

Also, as I stare out my window at the perpetually rainy and muggy morning, I am overcome by this strange weight feeling that seems to originate from and only effect my chest. I wanted to come so bad, but I can't help feeling that I am not right for this, that I can't handle it, that I belong in good ol' downriver Michigan- rotting away until old age and apathy claim me.

Why God? Why can't I just hit the ground running into this? Why can't I be excited to start the banality of training and worrying about whether or not I will actually pass it? Maybe I want to protect my investment, but really the only urge I have right now is to take a cab to the airport and go home- all the way home, without a stop or a hiccup in the fourteen hour process.

I know what's waiting for me there- the same life I always had, the same desperate job search that has proved fruitless for me and countless other recent graduates. The only opportunity I have is HERE, yet I don't want to be here, I want to be back there on Telegraph road, driving around, looking for something to do. Instead, I am here, looking out this Hotel window at a city that looks like an Asian version of Seven's New York- constant rain, neon signs flickering dead under the strain of the struggling sun in its still far off rise. I feel despondency, that same morose misery that has been the deepest part of my essence for what has probably been years now.

Every worry I have ever had is hitting me with sludge hammer like authority. College, the thing that always sat me apart, has apparently set me back. I am nothing special, and all I ever wanted to be was special. I am a faceless name on a list of names jockeying for position against others as hopeless and as desperate as I am.

I just want to be happy God. I just want to like something. I just want to feel comfortable growing up. I don't want to stay at home forever- and when I finally do leave home, when I finally do go somewhere, all I ever do is want to come home.

I feel like a sixth grader again, given the rare opportunity to go to Space Camp. I remember how I cried on the phone to my mother to fly me home that moment. This time is hardly an exception, yet, due to time zone issues and the cost, I can't even call her and cry/beg for her to come get me.

Maybe it's for the best. Her telling me no at space camp was- I had one of the most fun weeks of my life. Maybe this will be that again. Maybe I am just stressed about this training and the prospect of doing something I have never done before but have always wanted to do- Teach.

Or maybe I am just terrified that I won't be able to eat all day today because I won't know what to order- or how to do it.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Air Travel.

I will just start off by saying that I did indeed leave for Korea. Yay! Amidst all my worries and joys, I was delightfully accosted by the lovely folks at TSA- the "Thousands Standing Around" seemingly have nothing better to do but fondle good looking women and the boys right behind them or in front of them.

After having my junk thoroughly assessed by a large older woman, I repacked my small bag and headed for the terminal. After my mommy and I cried together for an hour, I got on a big shiny airplane and took off.

As I watched Michigan vanish beneath the comforter of clouds, the floor of Heaven, my first real rays of excitement finally crept up. As I watched Downriver Michigan disappear, my sadness finally eradicated itself and I took a long nap.

Now, I would like to ask the flight traveling world about the various stupidities of travel. For instance, I did not actually believe that they still gave demonstrations on how to correctly use a seat belt. Alas, I was wrong; a plane full of adults-many of whom are at least partially educated- were instructed as to the nature of the intricate workings of a belt buckle.

After this, the captain of the aircraft boosted my confidence in his competence by ignorantly labeling the sights below. " We are now passing Chicago!" In fact, as I hurriedly looked out my window to scan for the beautiful Sears tower, I was greeted with the glimmering mountain tops of Colorado- the most majestic and unmistakable sight in America... Or So I thought.

Now, my fear of the flight was restored. Though I have traveled by plane before, this journey is something far longer than that which I am typically accustomed. So as I renewed my my will via pen on paper in the strange hope it might land somewhere next to the black box, I giggled internally about how only in America could this man be responsible for other people's lives.

Upon arriving at beautiful SFO in San Francisco- I immediately sat my sights upon locating my terminal. The only indication I have that this flight exists however, is the confirmation that it is indeed coming at 2:05 pm. But coming to where? I was not informed, so I found a cute little wall outlet, and hooked up the mighty Mac, and of course checked my facebook.

I am excited to at least discover which terminal I am going to be in- then I will quickly head to the nearest cafe and pay 20 dollars for a Budweiser, just because the only thing more American than that, is giving birth to Bald Eagles.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Well now...

Okay, so it has been about a billion years since I have used this blog thing. But, seeing as I am moving soon, and some of my closest friends may wish to keep in contact with my adventures in a strange attempt to be happy for me and or live vicariously through my awesomeness, I figured I would use this again. Note the run on sentence, purposefully used to display the whoa like nature of blogging about one's life.

Anyway, I am currently waiting for the Man (i.e. Government) to send me my visa all done, signed sealed delivered. Alas, the Government is slow at everything, ranging from figuring out whether they would hire me or not ( which they never did) and processing simple paperwork.

What agitates me about this however, is not that it's taking so long. No, no, that is fine, what is aggravating me is that I distinctly expected such an issue to occur, so I purposefully bought an overnight envelope for them to send it back to me in. That was basically like buying a condom to have sex with a porn star; you are not safe anyways.

But I digress. I am excited to get there. Not that I wont miss my lovelies here in the states, I am sure I will. I am just like, tired of saying good bye to people. Last week was my going away party because I was supposed to leave Friday. I didn't have my visa shit, so I postponed it to THIS Friday. Now, Ironically, I am checking Saturday flights JUST in case they once again neglect to put any urgency into their efforts to send me abroad.

But rest assured, my skinny ass will be on a plane bound for South Korea within the next few days. I am about as patient a person as there is, but even this is starting to wear me thin slightly...

I leave you cats with one of my newer poems-

The Wheel.

An ancient war wages within me;
to give up or hold on?
The wheel of fate keeps spinning and spinning,
and I remain its fulcrum-
balancing that which is right and wrong.
Beyond good, beyond evil.
Like an eel I slither through currents of water and electricity,
partly both, yet mostly neither.
The vast oceans,
I cannot quell the rolling of the angry waves.
The limitless storms inside can not be controlled,
they fork and burn on, igniting the sky
with torrents of profound deeds and memories
eons old that happened mere moments ago.
If I could but stop the wheel,
if I could reject that constant cycle,
I could find peace.
If the coin would just fall to the ground heads or tails up,
I could rest, in either the light or the dark.
But I toil on, my life a colorless grey pit
of agony and pleasure,
mixed together like a perversion of humanity.
It cannot be such a monumental secret-
there must be some method to this madness.
There must be some God or Devil to answer my call-
there must be something other than the echoes
of my unanswered cries.