Monday, December 20, 2010

Man Log 2010: The Rise of The UniQlo Sweater.

Hello again my trustee readers and followers. Welcome back to another edition of “The Man Log,” the home of yours truly, the broda of bros, the Broses of Nazereth himself, Billy Monette.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking, and yes, I am the sexiest man alive. But this article is about the purchase of what has to be my new favorite piece of layering gear- A black Uniqlo sweater.

In the week that I have owned this precious article of black merino wool, I have worn it no less than four times. Each time I don this impressive piece of semi-formal wear, I incorporate a different shirt and tie. At first, I simply added a simple white oxford button down, but the migrated towards more exciting colors, such as but not limited to a plain J-crew number, and a pink hot shirt.

But don’t let me scare away my male readership- this entry is not just about clothing. While it is true that the clothes are important, they do NOT make the man. (I am quite sure I heard a famous saying in contrast to this, but I am the alpha Omegbro.) A man must be refined and well rounded in several other areas of his life.

I have recently begun a campaign to rebuild the liver of a young man known as Smilliam Smanette. This thin man reminds me very much of myself, and therefore I have taken it upon myself to bless him with the gift of life. I stayed in on Saturday night to protect this poor young boy under the enveloping wing of William Monette, the bromanchu.

I am looking forward to New Years Eve. I love New Years Eve. Not only do I love the sweet festivities of the night, ranging from beyond excessive alcohol consumption, naturalized and encouraged promiscuity, as well some good clean (i.e. dirty) fun, but I enjoy the crafting of a good New Years Resolution. There is nothing to me more profoundly life changing (at least for a year) than a solid New Years Resolution.

I henceforth shall proclaim the rules to creating a New Years Resolution that a bro can be proud of:

1.) Make sure your New Years resolution requires something resembling dedication on your part. Saying, “ I will not get herpes this year” is not good enough. Something like, “I will always wear a condom and not forget when drunk” does however meet the qualification.
2.) Make sure your New Years Resolution does not compromise the happiness of a fellow bro. For instance, one cannot promise or resolve to steal a solid bros girlfriend just because she is hot and down with things involving the brown. (I am sorry.) However, there is an exception, if your bros girl friend resembles Megan Fox, knows Megan Fox, or is a distant relative of a Megan Fox look alike, you are not only encouraged, but OBLIGED to make some small attempt if they break up, or he goes on an extended trip for business.
3.) Make sure your New Years Resolution is something that will better yourself. Your resolution cannot be something weak, that will change something trivial, such as your weight or your hair. You have to make deep personal changes. Such as, I will no longer be a puny bitch who avoids the hot blonds at the bar. Or, even better, I will become a bro and stop depending on the roofie cocktail to get a lady into the sack.
4.) A bro’s resolution should better the world in some way. A perfectly acceptable, yet unadvisable (for a younger bro) path is the having of a (male) child. A girl does not add to the population of the bro, it merely provides greater targets for bros. This could lead a bro to break a bro law, such as, never fight another bro over a girl. EDIT- According to Man Law Seven – 77898 Amendment J, it is appropriate for a bro to fight another bro if the offending bro has slept with or attempted to have coital relations with the offended bro’s daughter, but NOT the wife.
5.) A resolution should, if at all possible, avoid the removal or change of one’s hairstyle. The man must maintain his mane, any alterations to it should follow the bro’s previous path of hair care, and not deviate in any way that is too shocking or world altering.
6.) A man may not, under any circumstances, make a resolution to “become a better dude.” Dudes are evil. We are bros.
7.) A man cannot make a resolution pertaining to another bro. Even if the wish is a good wish, (i.e. become better bros with, listen to more often, etc…) this could lead to a “Bromisunderstanding” where the offended bro questions the sexual orientation of the offending bro. This means a potential break of Man law seven-77898, no bro shall fight another bro.

There you have it my bros! Another fine list of does and don’t for the bro within us all. I acknowledge that this may not be in keeping with your own policies or practices. To you I say, change. I, as the current Bro of all Bros, am the final say on all decisions. Failure to comply, will result in the expulsion of ones man card for a term not to exceed three thousand eons.

Good bye!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

it's been a while.

Sometimes, you live without living. What's funny, is that a man dies every day. Little by little. Your life is leaving you. Every headache, every blink, another second closer to the day you aren't here anymore. Kind of ironic, that people really care how they spend those days, those countdowns to the end.