Saturday, February 19, 2011

Man Log 2011: The excellence of execution.

Hello again my faithful readers! And welcome to another edition of the man log! Today, I have quite the treat for you all. Today, I will provide step by step instructions as to the proper planning and execution of my two favorite approach methods! These two methods are immaculate, and they WILL bring you success. In addition to describing these amazing approaches I will also provide detailed diagrams as to their correct execution.

Why you ask? Well, I was watching football like any good bro would do, and got the idea in my head to diagram my plans for you guys, X's and O's style baby!

Without further adieu, I present two of my favorite game plans!

The first one is simply called, the "straight-up." Like most good ideas, it is fairly simple, and therefore highly effective.

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In this approach, the bro, represented by "X" Simply walks up to the girl "O" and strikes up a conversation.

But sometimes a bro may encounter a very stubborn woman indeed. If the bro is worth his weight, then he will of course be traveling with other bros. This next plan, called "the volley" is a great way to utilize a good wingman!

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In this example, the bro who is after the girl would position himself between his wingman and the target girl. The wingman will then provide a volley, that is, airborne cover fire. While a bow and arrow is useful in ancient warfare, it really has no place in a bar, so the "arrow" in this case is the bro's voice.

He must make an obscene and totally uninteresting pick up attempt across a great distance. Good responses he can use are, but not limited to, "Hey you in the red (or whatever color she is wearing) wanna do shit?" "You look hot, wanna do shit?" "I like your ass babe, let's hook up..." etc... These responses will make the offending man look awful. At this moment, the bro who is the "top gun" will swoop in and insult the other bro; effective responses are: "Man what an asshole, don't look down on all dudes because of that guy." or, "Wow that's cool man, sorry about that, you know, drunk men are quite awful sometimes..."

Effectively utilizing these two strategies can spell success for a determined bro and his group of bros. Until next time brothers!!!>

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Man Log 2011:March Madness and St. Patty's day.

Well hello again my faithful readers! Welcome to another addition of the man log, with yours truly, the more dude than human, speaks about the topics that men care the most about.

At present time, it is February 17th, 2011. That means there will be several topics to discuss. One, is the coming of St Patty's day, the second epic of broholidays (not as big as the super bowl but still really important) and of course the mecca of manliness that is March Madness.

Ah yes, St. Patty's day. Good ol' St. Patrick did something back in the day that got a day named after him. Spread Christianity around Ireland you say? No Heavens no, that wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. What did he do? I am glad you asked. Good Ol' St. Patty, who I will call Patty from now on, chugged 8 guinness and banged a red head. EPIC.

From this moment forth, men have come from all corners of our fine globe (ed. Globes don't have corners) to partake in the epic splendor of drunken capitulation with all manner of lady friends. I myself have established this day as one of much rejoice!

There are, like any religious man days, a set of rules that all bros must keep in mind when observing this holy broliday.
1.) respect your bros. Fighting however, is kind of allowed on St.Patty's day, because after all, we are all Irish for a few hours.
2.) One must consume no less than a dozen light beers. This can be substituted for 6 or more Guinness.
3.) One must try really hard to pick up a girl and owe it all to the "luck o' the irish."
4.) Only one article of green at a time. Excessive greenage belongs on my lunch salad, and not on my body.

These simple rules will ensure that you enjoy this holiday to the max!

Now then, down to business. March Madness.

What can really be said about March Madness that has not already been said? Time with the boys, sports, betting, anger, happiness.... all of it for an ENTIRE MONTH! Holy fucking jumping jesus that's insane.

For this month a bro is permitted to:

Quit his job
Dump his girlfriend
Renounce his Family and Religion
Sell his soul for a big screen TV
Steal a Big Screen TV
Use the weird guy down the street for his TV
Eat an unhealthy amount of Chicken wings
Watch ESPN and imagine what it would look like if Suzy Colber and Scott Van Pelt had children
Change political alliances based on the presidents bracket choice
Study (only brackets though)
and of course drink Miller beer products.

This month is a holy celebration comparable to Ramadan, Lent, and the ice capades. One must truly be on the top of his brogame to truly enjoy the spectacle that is March Madness.

So I say farewell brothers in brodom, and I wish you a merry March, which has vaulted up next to January in terms of Broness.